600 Letters
by NeverLookBack756
Summary: For the lovely Bienenstich. OneShot. By the time Natsume was fifteen, nearly sixteen, he had written just under six hundred letters to Mikan. Natsume's life during the four years without Mikan. Spoiler for chapters 177-180ish. Enjoy!


Honestly, when Natsume woke up on his hospital bed, he thought everything had been a dream. His eyes were heavy like they'd been fastened shut for millennia, and everything ached, especially his chest. When he saw his father, sister, and best friend at his side, he wondered if maybe he had just imagined his life at Alice Academy. This thought only seemed like it could legitimate for a few minutes, but in those moments he was terrified. What if he was just waking up from the house fire now? What if he had never met Mikan and changed because of her? What if Mikan didn't even exist and was just his mind's way of trying to self-medicate its way back into sanity. If everything had been a dream what would he do?

"He's awake!" he heard his sister exclaim. All the faces in the room turned to him. He counted them: one, two, three… four. There were four of them. Natsume recognized the fourth face as Tsubasa, and he felt somewhat relieved. It was all real, he thought. Wait, does that mean…?

"Natsume?" his father asked. "How do you feel?" Natsume tried to clear his vision, which was still blurry trying to adjust to the light. Finally he forced his eyes open wide. His arms reached down to try to support himself upwards, but his father halted him. "No, take it easy. Don't push yourself." Natsume relaxed back onto the hospital bed. He'd forgotten how frustratingly uncomfortable hospital pillows were on his neck. Taking a deep breath, he opened his mouth to speak.

"Mikan," he uttered. "Where's Mikan?" Natsume saw Ruka and Tsubasa's face contort with an emotion he couldn't recognize. He saw his father lean down to Ruka and ask who Mikan was, but Ruka brushed it aside and forced a smile.

"Mikan is fine, Natsume. She's safe and unscathed," Ruka managed. Natsume sat up, relieved at the news. Mikan was fine. _Thank God. _

"I'm going to go find her. I have to see her." Tsubasa pressed his hands on Natsume's arms, pushing him backward onto his back again.

"You have to stay here, kid. Besides, your family is here. Enjoy their company for a while."

"Can't someone just go get her for me? Please I have to see her." Natsume could not understand why everyone was avoiding Mikan. Was she mad at him for almost dying on her? He did break his promise, but the ESP needed to be taken down. Natsume shoved all his questions aside, like what happened to the ESP anyways. Was it all over?

"You can't," Tsubasa said finally. The air in the room became heavy, and seemed to weigh down everyone's hearts.

"Well why not?" Tsubasa took a breath. He really didn't want to be the one to tell him this, but Natsume deserved to know more than anyone. "What happened while I was out?"

"Natsume," the shadow user started slowly. "You were dead. Your heart stopped, your lips started turning blue. We thought we lost you. _Mikan _thought she lost you." Natsume shot up. He really did die. Natsume's heart stopped, and he felt like he was drowning.

"Hotaru-chan saved you," Tsubasa continued. "She went back in time, I guess. Nodachi didn't really tell us the details, but all we know is that now she's…well…"

"Where's Imai?" Natsume couldn't help but feel nervous. He hated to admit it, but he and Hotaru had just finally starting to get along. After all, they had one great thing in common. They both loved and would protect Mikan with their lives, and because of that, they had somehow come to an understanding.

"We don't know. You and Noda came back, but Hotaru-chan and her older brother are stuck in the time continuum." Natsume looked at Ruka, who was crying. His hands were clutching onto what looked like mushroom earpieces, probably one of Hotaru's inventions. "She's not dead, but she won't be able to come back here. She's trapped in what Noda thinks is the latter parts of the feudal era."

This was a lot for Natsume to take in, especially since he had only been awake for ten minutes. His head started to spin like he was on a fast ride looking down below. He grabbed onto the railing next to the bed and muttered for a glass of water. Aoi had it in less than a minute. Natsume drew the glass to his lips and let the cool liquid bring him back to his senses. They took the glass when he was done, and waited in silence. Natsume took a deep breath.

"So then where's Mikan?" Part of him hoped she hadn't gone into the time continuum with Hotaru.

"Sakura had the Limited Alice Shape," Ruka explained. "When she found you, your fire was still burning. She nullified and stole your Alice to get you to stop using it. If she hadn't, it would've been nearly impossible to bring you back."

"She used the rest of her Alice on me?" Natsume asked in disbelief. Ruka nodded.

"Now listen, Natsume, what we tell you next…"Tsubasa trailed of, thinking about how to word his next statement. "You have to promise not to freak out. You can't do anything rash." Natsume's heart started to beat. Just tell me already, his heart screamed.

"Mikan left the academy, and uh – '' Ruka looked like he was going to burst into tears.

"And what?"

"For her protection," Tsubasa explained slowly, "they erased her memories of this academy, her experiences here, and everyone in it."

"_What!?"_

It was in that moment, that Natsume Hyuuga felt like the one good thing he had worked so hard for had been torn from his grasp, and thrown a million miles away in a place no one would ever find it. It was a feeling of loneliness, hopelessness, and a whole lot of heart break.

He stared at his friends and family in shock, as they stared back at him with a sad look in their eyes. Natsume sat in silence, letting it all sink in. Noticing the expectant looks from his visitors, he tried to shove away the thought. For Christ's sake, his _family _was here! He closed his eyes and tried to remember what he used to do to hide his feelings. In all reality, he could remember that the last time he was this miserable, he had to leave his sister and his father. He survived then, and he'll survive now. Mikan will surely remember him. She had to.

"She'll remember me," he said softly. "I know she will. We won't be torn apart that easily." He forced a confident smirk on his face and looked over at his sister. She rushed over to him and held him tight. His father was close behind.

"I was so worried about you," Aoi said to him. "They called us and you still weren't awake when we got here. I don't know what I would've done if…" Her voice trailed off. Natsume pushed some hair from her face, and smiled gently.

"I can't believe it takes dying to get your family to come visit you," he teased. They all laughed together, and Natsume thought that maybe, _just maybe _things would be okay.

No matter how much time he spent in the hospital, Natsume always preferred his own room. Sure, he had probably spent more time in his hospital bed than his actual bed, but he thought there was something very comforting about wrapping yourself in your own blankets in the privacy of your own space. He was finally able to go back to his room three weeks after waking up, and that was with daily appointments. More than anything, not that he would admit it out loud; he just wanted to get back to class. He wanted to wake up in his own bed, put on his own clothes, and go back to his own classroom. He could not help but think that this desire was fairly selfish, but it didn't seem like too much to ask for.

Maybe he felt like if he went to class, he could go back to a time before all the bad things. Maybe he thought that one day he'd walk into his classroom, and among the forty familiar faces, he'd see the one he longed for. Maybe Mikan would be in her old seat, right next to his and she'd greet him with a familiar _Good morning Natsume! _The rational part of him knew that this would never happen, but the part of him that loved Mikan – the dominating part – would always have hope.

So Natsume did go back to class. When he did, every single face in the room was smiling. He stood in the center of the room in front of everyone, and they couldn't say a word. They could only stare in awe as Natsume stood confidently in front of his friend he hadn't seen in well over a month. He examined all the faces, making sure that everyone would be there. Everyone was there. Everyone had made it through the war okay. In the back of his mind, Natsume knew that two years ago, he wouldn't have cared less if his classmates were okay or not. Now, he thought of them as family, and he knew who he could thank for that.

As soon as Ruka said, "Welcome back Natsume," his friends had hounded onto him, hugging and asking questions. Trying to answer as many questions as possible, Natsume found it hard not to smile. He was home. Even though she was missing, and even though it would be hard, he would find her and then he would be complete. Until then, he would try to make it out okay. Besides, he has his friends to keep his head above water.

There were the particularly hard days. Sometimes they were expected, like her birthday when all he would do was think about how happy she must be turning a whole year older in the comfort of her new friends. Then there were his birthdays, where he spent the entire day wishing she would come through his door and say _Happy birthday, Natsume! I hope today is the happiest of all your days_. Christmas Eve was hard too, as well as pretty damn confusing. With the lights, presents, and smiles on the faces of the people around him, it was hard to be unhappy. He couldn't tear his mind from a beautiful girl with chocolate colored hair and the promise he made to her. Christmas Eve was definitely the hardest, and it didn't help that every year, no matter how much it defied all logic and reason, the moon was always full.

Then there were the days when Natsume would wake up feeling like his entire body was under water, and he was too tired to try to lift himself up to breath. Those were the days he wouldn't go into school, and it he knew all of his friends knew why. They'd give him his space, and occasionally one of them, primarily Tsubasa or Yuu, would go to Ruka to bring him his lunch and dinner. It was always the same.

"Natsume, how are you feeling?" Ruka would ask.

"Not terrible," Natsume would lie.

"Well here is your dinner." They'd place the tray on the table by the door, not entering too far into the room. "Let us know if you need anything else."

"I will. Thanks."

Then they'd leave. They didn't stick around long enough to see Natsume slip from his room and walk into Mikan's old room which had still remained vacant. The place still smelled like her; a sweet mix of flowers and strawberries. He'd lie on her bed, and stare at the ceiling. Sometimes he'd catch himself muttering to her, and then would mention how loving her had made him insane. He'd imagine her laughing from across the room, telling him he was insane from the start. Even though she wasn't really saying it, he knew it was true.

There were two really bad days when Natsume wouldn't answer the door for meals and would just lie in bed, curled up into a ball trying to erase his existence. No one knew that during these two days, he held back his tears so much his throat became raw and his eyes had glued shut. It wasn't fair. So what if she didn't have her alice? She was _Mikan Sakura_! She saved the entire school from the wrath and corruption of the ESP by her mere existence. She deserved to remember her friends and to know her impact on the entire premises.

These were the days that Natsume felt like he would die if he couldn't see her, smell her hair, hold her small figure in his arms, and hear her voice when she said his name. It hurt and he all he could do was lay down and ache.

When the day was over, he'd allow one lonely tear to trail down his cheek before finally allowing sleep to heal him.

It was Anna's idea that Natsume start writing letters to Mikan. She had been watching him for a while. When people talked to him, he was his normal self, but as soon as anyone left him alone, he was left to his thoughts and his expression would change. Anna noticed his eyes gained this far off look, like he was picturing someone else amongst all the smiling faces. This went on for several weeks before she decided to take matters into her own hands. She found him one day sitting on a bench by a cherry blossom tree.

"Hi Natsume," Anna greeted. "Can I sit down?" Natsume broke out of his daze, and stared at Anna with surprised eyes.

"Sure," he responded. Anna sat beside him with enough space in between them to keep Natsume comfortable. She awkwardly kicked her legs back and forth shyly. He watched her, waiting for her to say something. This shy behavior was kind of unlike her. Normally she was smiling and openly happy.

"Sorry to interrupt your thinking like this. I know you like some alone time every day." Natsume shook his head.

"No, you're my friend, you don't have to apologize. I wasn't thinking about much, really." Anna was slightly taken aback. She wasn't used to Natsume being so open with her, but she had heard that Natsume found out about what she said about him in Mikan's lesson of memories. Anna stopped kicking and turned to him. If she was going to say this, she had to be brave and confident.

"I've been noticing that you're taking Mikan-chan a lot harder than the rest of us," Anna started. Natsume opened his mouth probably to deny it or make her stop, but she halted him. "It's obvious. You're always sad these days. It's okay to be sad. I was really sad too for a while." Anna's voice trailed off. Natsume stayed silent. His eyes looked tired like he was carrying a heavy load on his shoulders.

"I was so sad for so long. Mikan-chan had left, you might've been dead, and Hotaru was nowhere to be found. Everything just seemed so hopeless, you know? I thought the only way I could feel better was to talk to Mikan herself…so I did." Natsume looked at her and raised his eyebrows. He wouldn't tell her or show it on his face, but she knew he was desperate.

"I started writing her letters. I know I can never send them of course, but it helped a lot. I figured that maybe, just maybe, my feelings would reach her. When I think of that, I feel better. I feel like I can go on. Maybe this could help you too, Natsume." He sat there, not knowing what to say. She made it easier for him by standing up and smiling.

"I hope you do feel better. It's nice having the real you around lately. The whole class loves you, so we want you to be happy. You don't have to wait for her alone, either. You've got all of us." She handed him some paper, envelopes, and a pen. "I already got the stationary for you so you wouldn't have to go out and get it yourself. Here you go!" She smiled one last time, and before Natsume could say anything, she skipped off.

"Umenomiya," Natsume called. Anna turned around. "At least let me thank you before running off like that." His voice was teasing. The pink haired girl laughed and nodded.

"Sorry, sorry!" Natsume looked down at the stationary in his hands and then back at his friend.

"Thank you," he said. "When you do stuff like this, it's like she's still with us. It's only a matter of time before she comes back." Anna's eyes filled with hope that didn't go unnoticed by Natsume.

"You're right," she said. "Make sure you remind yourself of that sometimes too." She waved one last time before walking off.

Natsume sat there thinking about what Mikan would say if she read the letters. _I can't believe you wrote these! That's so unlike you, you must've missed me a lot, huh! Because you looooove me. Isn't that right Natsume? _She was embarrassingly annoying even in his thoughts. He hadn't even written the letters and he felt better already.

When Natsume returned to class later that day, some of the life had been returned to his eyes and he felt like maybe he could feel a little hopeful too.

_Mikan, _

_It has been 797 days since I woke up. It's been 818 days since you left. I wish I was still in a coma because every moment I'm awake, it hurts. I'm glad I won't ever be giving you these letters because I just know you would worry like an idiot and get all sad. I'm sad enough for the both of us. Don't worry; I'm working on getting better. Everyone in class has been helping more than they can ever know, and things have been getting better. Maybe by the time I find you, I'll be completely better. I'll try for you. But please come back._

_Ruka says he misses you, and that stupid shadow user swears he misses you more. I miss you the most. So please come back._

_We still don't know where Imai is. I've been looking into going back into the time continuum and finding her, but everyone wants me here. They don't want me to waste her efforts, and they want to at least gather information before I dive head first into the problem. They tell me it's my greatest flaw and that it even killed me once. Maybe they're right. Before I slip away again, please come back._

_As I said, I am getting better, but I'd be the best I've ever been if you walked into this room right now and interrupted me writing this letter to you. I want you to let me hold you and take your hair out of those ridiculous pigtails. I want to call you ugly polka dotted girl, even though you're completely beautiful. Most of all, I want you. Please come back._

_Eternally Yours~_

_Natsume_

"Um, Natsume-kun?" a tiny voice said. Natsume looked up from his book and met eyes with the voice's owner. It was a girl in a grade below his. He'd seen her before when he hung out with Tsubasa in the Special Abilities class, but he'd never really met her or even knew her name.

"Yes?" he said as politely as he could. She opened her mouth, but he could see she was trying to find the right way to word her next statement.

"I think you are a very…" She struggled for a moment, but settled on, "wonderful person." His eyes widened in the slightest. Now _this _hadn't happened in a while. He waited for her to continue knowing her intention, but she didn't.

"Uh well, thanks," he replied trying to hide his uncomfortable confusion. She blinked a few times.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to Central Town with me…maybe sometime?" _Natsume! Please go with me to Central Town! I can't go if I don't have my partner with me and I _really _want to go. _Natsume flinched, shoving away the memory. Natsume didn't know what to say. The old Natsume would've rejected her in less than a heartbeat, but that didn't feel right. He didn't particularly want to go with her either. It wouldn't have been honest.

"Just who do you think you are!?" Oh lord, Natsume thought. Sumire to the rescue. "Natsume is a taken man! You hear that? Taken!" Permy had not changed in all the time he knew her. For this, he was grateful.

"I thought you were dating the mind-reader?" the girl exclaimed with a frown.

"I _am not _dating Koko!" Sumire yelled. From the corner of his eye, Natsume saw Koko's ever present smile falter downwards for a split second. "And I am _certainly not _dating Natsume, either!"

"Well then why are you-" Sumire interrupted.

"Do you not know who Mikan Sakura is?" Natsume knew this girl had only been in the school for a few months, but it was common knowledge Natsume and Mikan were in love. Basically the entire school knew, which was a little too much for Natsume's liking, but it stopped girls from confessing to him.

"Who's Mikan Sakura?" the younger girl muttered quizzically. Natsume's frown did not go unnoticed. Natsume fought back the urge to glare at both girls. Did they need to bring up Mikan?

"_You don't know who Mikan Sakura is?_" Permy cried out. The girl flinched, shrinking back a little.

"Permy," Natsume muttered warning tone. "What would Mikan say about you freaking out about this?" Permy considered this with a clear frown on her face.

"Mikan Sakura is the reason I am not completely tearing you apart," Permy said casually. "She's the kindest girl in this planet, and if you go to this school and don't know who she is then you better learn up, because she's going into this school's history books. She was even in your Special Ability class! God, how do you not know her?" Sumire had always had a soft spot for Mikan, but Natsume didn't know that Permy would defend Mikan to the death like this.

"I used to be like you," Sumire continued. "I was the head of Natsume's fanclub, but I gotta say, he's not all he's not cracked up to be." Natsume threw a look at her, but she ignored it. "The only woman on this earth that can deal with all this guy's crap is Mikan Sakura."

"I'm sure she's not the only one. She's probably not as special as you say." the girl said. Sumire was about to say more, probably about putting this girl in her proper place, but Natsume snapped. He shot up from his seat.

"You don't know anything about Mikan," he spat out coldly. The faces of the class turned to look at him. It had been a while since they heard him speak with such an icy tone. "You could never be even half the girl she is. Don't talk like you will amount to her." His face was fiery like his alice. Everyone watched to see what he would do next.

The girl on the other hand looked terrified, having never seen this side of Natsume before. Her eyes welled with tears, and though he felt guilty, he continued glaring. The girl's hands were shaking. Small whimpering could be heard. What a baby, Natsume thought angrily. He slammed his fist on the table, muttering a curse. In the next moment, his legs were carrying him out of the room.

"Mikan Sakura is the reason that side of Natsume hardly comes out anymore," Sumire said finally. "That was the first time in a couple years, actually."

People aren't sure where Natsume went between storming out of class and showing up in the Special Ability room. When he entered the SA room, he was met by glares and mutters, but Tsubasa showed Natsume where the girl was anyways. He walked up to her, tears streaks still evident on her cheeks.

"Could I speak with you for a moment?" he asked her quietly. She nodded and followed him out into the hallways. They stood leaning against the windowsill on the walls.

"Two years ago, if you asked me to central town, I probably would have called you ugly, fat, and told you to get lost. Then, if you cried, I would've continued to make fun of you. I'm not the wonderful person you claim me to be. Two years ago I definitely wouldn't have come all the way here just to apologize to you. Mikan Sakura, the girl Permy was talking about, she changed all that and she changed me. You'd have to know her; she's the sunniest girl you'd ever meet. Long story short, a lot of stuff happened, and she lost her alice so she doesn't go to this school anymore. But the peacefulness around you is all thanks to her and the people she influenced. The point is, when I meet Mikan again and she asks me how I treated my classmates, I want to make her proud. She'd totally hit me for how I treated you, and she'd be right. What I said to you earlier was terrible, and I'm sorry."

"I imagine you're not the talkative type normally, yes?"

"That's the most I've said in weeks."

"And I also imagine you're not the type to apologize."

"This is an extremely rare occasion."

The stood silently for a moment before Natsume asked, "What's your name?" She laughed softly and answered, "Risa Akiyama."

"Well, Risa Akiyama, I have a proposition for you." Risa smirked.

"Oh? What's that?"

"If you never tell anyone about this conversation, I'll take you to Central Town next time I go with my friends and I'll introduce you to my friend Mochiage. He likes pretty blondes."

Risa laughed and nodded her head. "You got yourself a deal."

Risa didn't know Mikan Sakura, or her story, but she felt like she met Mikan just then in Natsume. She didn't bother Natsume anymore after that day because it was very clear that Mikan was the only one for Natsume.

_Mikan,_

_I met someone today. No, not someone that's going to take your place. She actually reminded me a lot of Permy, which was interesting when they started arguing with each other. I wish I would've taped it. Koko at the very least was well amused. I don't feel like going too much into it, but I hope you can meet her when I bring you back to school. I think you two will get along. _

_I'm doing much better than I have been, though it's still difficult. As always, Ruka and Tsubasa say hello. _

_Your birthday is coming up shortly. I asked around trying to figure out the exact date. They went all the way back to my father, and he said May 15__th__. Happy early birthday, Polka. I hope it's a good one. _

_Eternally Yours, _

_Natsume_

"It's her birthday and you all look like you got hit by a truck!" Natsume thought that no matter what happens to Sumire, she will never change, and unfortunately neither will the annoying high pitched sound of her voice. "You all are freaking me out!" Sumire pointed at Natsume and placed her other hand on her hips.

"Especially you!" she exclaimed. "You look like pure gloom." Natsume shrugged his shoulders.

"This is how I always look," he said back.

"Yeah, but I think you're starting to rub off on everyone else. Look!" Natsume examined the rest of the room, and was slightly surprised to see Sumire was right. Shoulders were slumped to the floor and not a single one of them was smiling. The tension in the air almost felt like it made it hard to breathe.

"Geez, did you all catch the plague or something?" Natsume muttered.

"That's what I'm saying!" Sumire exclaimed. The fire caster rolled his eyes, not wanting to admit Sumire was right. She rolled hers in return.

"Why don't we throw a party?" Yuu chimed in shyly. "Not just a birthday party for Mikan-chan, but mainly a party for just appreciating our friends in the class."

And that was that.

They spent about four days planning the party, intending for it to happen that Saturday afternoon into the evening. Anna was in charge of the food, promising not to use any expired ingredients, or any bit of her alice that would bring the meal to life. Nonoko decided to help Anna, and everyone else was in charge of decorations. They tore through every inch of Central Town looking for only the best. When Saturday rolled around, everything was ready.

They all sat around a large table, looking at each other in silence.

"I don't think we planned this far," Ruka admitted.

"We could sing happy birthday?" Iinchou suggested shyly.

"To a girl that's not even here? That's too depressing," Natsume muttered. Koko looked over at Natsume, pouring his drink.

"Oh well if you're so high and mighty, why don't you tell us what to do?" he teased.

Natsume thought for a moment. They wanted this to be an appreciation party, not just your average birthday get together. He thought it needed to be special. _More _than just special, even, meaning ordinary board games weren't going to cut it. He didn't want to rile them up either with something majorly active, knowing it would defeat the purpose. If this was an appreciation party, why not just appreciate?

"We'll go around the table, and say what one nice thing about everyone here. It'll take a while, but they can be funny, sappy, anything really," Natsume decided. "They have to be positive."

"I cannot believe I just heard the words sappy and positive out of Natsume's mouth," someone muttered.

"I'm sorry, if you rather I was bitter all the time again," Natsume bit out coldly. They shrunk back in their seat.

Everyone seemed to like the idea. In any moment, anyone of them could be snatched away. Why not appreciate each other's company while it lasted? They wished they would've had this chance with Mikan.

"I'll start," Iinchou said pleasantly. "This party was my idea after all." Everyone chuckled. They waited in anticipation as Tobita Yuu looked around at the faces in the room. He seemed to be thinking about his precise words to say to each person in the room. He met eyes with Ruka, who had a gentle smile on his face and a soft rabbit in his arms.

"Ruka-pyon," Iinchou started. "I know it isn't easy to be you. There are lots of things I know you're feeling, but you don't tell anyone because you don't want them to worry. I feel like this trait is something you learned from Natsume-kun." A few people chucked. Yuu held up his hands with a patient smile on his face. "No I'm serious! But anyways, Ruka-kun, I find you to be very admirable. You support your friends and protect them with all your strength, but you still remain kind. I am very glad I've had the pleasure of knowing you."

Ruka was covering his mouth with a finger, blinking furiously so tears wouldn't spill out onto the table. He nodded, trying to mutter out a thank you, but everyone could see him struggling.

"If this is how it's going to be for everyone, we better get lots of tissues," Koko stated with a teary smile. Everyone went around the circle and said what they liked about Ruka. Then they went to Iinchou, to Anna, to Nonoko, to Sumire, to Koko, to Kistuneme, and so forth. It had taken two hours and a lot of tissues to finally get to Natsume.

All eyes were on him. He wasn't sure what it was he was feeling, but it was warm with a slight mix of uncomfortableness from the attention.

"We can skip me," Natsume said quietly.

"Oh, I see how it is!" Sumire exclaimed. "We went through all that just for you to back away. I don't think so. Just let us show our appreciation, jeez." Though they were surprised with her outburst, everyone agreed. Natsume had no choice but to give in. Ruka said he'd start.

"Natsume, I learned a lot by being your best friend. I learned about being a strong support, and knowing when to give people their space. I learned about when to be nosy even when someone wants to be alone, because it's not good for someone to be alone. Actually, I learned that last one from Sakura, but I used it a lot of you. I don't think many people realized until recently how much you cared for and protected everyone, when it seemed like you were just being cruel. You and Sakura were our pillars, persuading us to be the best we could be and helping us become the people who we are today. It's no wonder you and her fell in love. I've never once regretted meeting you, and even though it's been hard, we've gotten through it together." Ruka's voice started to shake. Natsume grabbed his hand and gently squeezed it. "Thank you for accepting me and watching over me. Thank you for putting my happiness before yours. Thank you for watching and protecting Sakura, but most of all, thank you for staying with me." When his last sentence was finished, he bowed his head and cried.

"Natsume is the best," someone said across the classroom.

"I think Natsume's eyes are the prettiest color!" another exclaimed.

"Natsume, you're considerate and watched over all of us even when we didn't know it," Anna added.

"Plus you give good advice, even though you give it when you're trying to be all cool." This time it was Nonoko. One after another, everyone said what they loved about Natsume.

"You're a great person, no matter how hard you try to hide it."

"We missed you while you were gone, so don't go leaving us again."

"You're a strong guy, both in your arms and in your heart."

"We can count on you!"

"We all love you."

Natsume felt numb except for a slight tingling underneath his skin. He couldn't respond, and he didn't know how to. Without realizing it, a tiny drop of water lingered from the corner of his eye, down his cheek. No one said anything, half not wanting to embarrass him by making fun of him – they were all crying too, after all – and half just in complete awe that _the _Natsume Hyuuga had gotten emotional.

After the party, Natsume's eyes didn't feel so heavy anymore. His arms felt light weighted, and each of his steps was strong. He felt like he could hold his head high because it didn't feel like Mikan was so far away anymore. In fact, Natsume saw a little bit of Mikan in each of his classmates, which lead him to realize, Mikan was inside of him too.

_Mikan, _

_I think I'm okay now. It has taken me a long time to figure it out, but really, you never left us. Your influence on everyone is still visible even almost four years later. It's helped me focus on some of the happier things like one day I'll be able to go to your side again. We'll take on this world together and become the living proof that happiness is possible for alices. You and I will show everyone that alices are damned into a never ending life of misery and that we can have happy endings too. We've worked hard for it, and I'm already starting to see the effects here. I hope you're happy where you are, but knowing you, you probably are. I'm coming for you. Have faith in that and in me. _

_Eternally Yours, _

_Natsume_

By the time Natsume was fifteen, nearly sixteen, he had written just under six hundred letters to Mikan. Normally he wrote two or three a week; sometimes more, sometimes none. He kept them hidden in the largest drawer in his desk, and sometimes he'd read them to see if he had made any progress. He did. That much he was sure of.

The class had planned to have another appreciation party on Mikan's birthday again, but Narumi said there would be an unexpected change of plans. He explained that the news of former alice Mikan Sakura living outside the school's walls had finally reached various anti-alice organizations. She was being watched, and the previous plan for her safety had now proved invalid. Before the class, and mainly Natsume, could worry Narumi told them Mikan would be coming back. For good this time. He couldn't guarantee the return of her memories, but she'd be back.

And so on the beach, Mikan remembered.

By the time they made it back to the academy, Mikan had remembered nearly everything that happened to her. She spent the day with her friends, though Natsume would've preferred to spend all his time with her alone. When the sun set, they were able to finally be alone.

"I'll walk you to your room," Natsume said. Mikan pouted and stepped a little closer to him. Natsume's cheeks almost tinted a light pink. When did this girl become so forward?

"I haven't seen you hardly all day. Let's spend some time together," she said cheekily. Natsume thought for a minute, trying his best not to be selfish. In the end, he allowed himself the immense happiness and nodded. He deserved it.

Mikan asked him if they could go to his room to relax on the balcony. She made some excuse about wanting to feel the cool air on her cheeks, but really, anything was better than her stuffed room, especially since nothing was unpacked yet.

She wandered around the wide space, running her fingers along anything she could touch. She seemed nervous, and fidgeted like she was trying to keep herself busy. Natsume watched her with a soft look in his eyes. She had grown to be ridiculously beautiful. Her hair was longer, and as promised it trailed down her hair. Her chest had grown, much to Natsume's surprise and satisfaction, and he noticed the other little twists and curves that made Mikan a woman. In an instant, he was nothing more than a man in love. No dignity, no worries, just completely and utterly captivated.

Mikan's fingers found themselves pulling on a drawer, but before Mikan could see inside Natsume jumped in front of her.

"Oh no you don't," he muttered. Mikan raised an eyebrow.

"What's in the drawer?" she inquired. Natsume had to think of something quick. She wasn't going to let this go unless she forgot about it, and she had to forget about it quick. He ran his hands along her arms, grabbing her hands at the bottom. He stepped closer to her, making her attempt to step back too, but the desk stopped her from moving backwards. Instead, her back bent toward the desk as his face neared hers. When she couldn't bend back any further, he pressed his lips on her forehead, flickering tiny kisses down the bridge of her nose and finally onto her lips.

Mikan's breath hitched. She almost moved her hands to grab his waist, but he pulled away before she had the chance.

"What was that for?" she asked shyly.

"I missed you," he replied. Mikan was surprised how comfortable he was.

She had gotten smarter, though. She slid out from his grasp and pulled the drawer open.

It didn't open at first, so she tugged as hard as she could, as fast as humanly possible. What she saw shocked her.

Envelopes poured out from the drawer, flying out onto the flower. Natsume sunk back and stared at all of them. Each letter was addressed to her. Mikan's eyes widened.

"Are all of them to me?" Natsume nodded.

So Mikan sat and read each letter. She read and read until the sun rose. By the time it was morning, each envelope had been opened and Mikan's eyes were near raw from crying. When she was done she wrapped her arms around him and ran her hand through his hair.

By the time Natsume was fifteen, nearly sixteen, he had written just under six hundred letters to Mikan. All of them he kept in a drawer until the one day they'd be written. When he thought about all the times he forgot why he started writing the letters, he remembered Mikan. He wrote those letters to live until the moment he could hold her again. He wrote them to live for the chance to hold her, and introduce her to Risa, and take her to the traditional Appreciation Parties. But most of all, he wrote them so he could love her, and boy did he love her.


End file.
